Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to start off by saying that if you follow these steps and guidelines, you will be loved by everyone on the internet. If you deviate from these steps, however, you will be cast out from the millions, and no one will like you, saying things like, "Look at that guy, he's super lame" and "Man, that guy sure is uncool!" And trust me, if there's anyone that can tell you how to be cool, it's me. Because let's face it, I'm pretty *expletive deleted* cool.
1.) You are never wrong. Ever. It doesn't matter what points or references that other people bring up in arguments, they are never right. Your point is the only point. Everything else is stupid, and anyone that disagrees with you should be reported to the moderators, or if you are a moderator, ban that mother *expletive deleted* on sight, because you are one cool *expletive deleted* guy.
2.) The site rules are the rules of life. Anyone that breaks them is the most evil thing in the world. It doesn't matter what the context of the conversation is, they break the rules, they are banned forever. Some people will try to argue with you (refer back to the first guideline), but *expletive deleted* them, you're a god damned moderator, and if you're not, you're probably super close friends with a moderator! You have connections, and you will flaunt them like a ten inch penis. And remember, your personal feelings about a person should be the biggest deciding factor in the punishment of the person. Because if you don't like them then they will feel your all mighty wrath!
3.) Everything that can be found offensive is evil and wrong! Make sure that if you are in a position of power you should protect the eyes and ears of the innocent! There is never any excuse for being edgy or fun, I mean come on, what are we? Rock stars? Hell no! We spend our time reading books and doing crossword puzzles! Who has time for things like cursing and harmful racial jokes! Just the thought of someone using a term to disparrage an entire race of people, despite the fact that the race it's been used to disparrage uses it on a daily basis to refer to their closest friends and family members, is horrifying!
4.) The people you know should be the source of all your reasoning and arguments. You know everything about everyone because you are all knowing. Someone says that a racial term has been rendered meaningless by todays use? Bull *expletive deleted*! You know a black guy and he's very offended by all the terms! Someone using the term "fag" to describe someone that's lame? Psh, that's disrespectful to gay people, because the meanings of words never change. Ever. If something was a curse word 50 years ago, it's still just as offensive today as it was then.
So there it is, guys. The definitive list of how to be super cool. I guarantee you that if you start following these rules, you will be loved by everyone and you will make tons of friends and stuff.